Actual question given on a University
of Washington Chemistry midterm:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it
is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time, so we need to know the rate that souls are moving
into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore,
no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's
look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some
of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,
you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project
that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates
as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
- If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than
the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure
in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
- Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster
than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure
will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given
to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That
it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,"
and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in that
area, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only "A"/...next
joke
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