The best way to a man’s heart
is to saw his breast plate open.
— Women’s restroom, Murphy’s,
Champaign, IL Don’t
trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.
— Men’s restroom, Murphy’s,
Champaign, IL
Beauty is only a light switch away.
— Perkins Library, Duke University,
Durham, North Carolina.
I’ve decided that to raise my grades I must
lower my standards.
— Houghton Library, Harvard
University, Cambridge, Massachusetts.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste
of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time
of our lives.
— Armand’s Pizza, Washington,
D.C.
If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he’d
say we were stopping for ice.
— Smoky Joe’s, Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania.
Remember, it’s not, “How high are
you?” it’s “Hi, how are you?”
— Rest stop off Route 81, West
Virginia.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
— The Irish Times, Washington,
D.C.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is
sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
— Men’s Room, Linda’s
Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
To do is to be. — Descartes
To be is to do. — Voltaire
Do be do be do. — Frank Sinatra
— Men’s restroom, Greasewood
Flats, Scottsdale, Arizona.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
— Bentley’s House of Coffee
and Tea, Tucson, Arizona
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t
been anywhere.
— Written in the dust on the
back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.
God is dead. — Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. — God
— The Tombs Restaurant, Washington,
D.C.
If voting could really change things, it would
be illegal.
— Revolution Books, New York,
New York
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires
or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
— Women’s restroom, Dick’s
Last Resort, Dallas, Texas.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite
of progress? Congress!
Express Lane: Five beers or less
— Sign over one of the urinals,
Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix, AZ.
You’re too good for him.
— Sign over mirror in Women’s
restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA.
No wonder you always go home alone.
— Sign over mirror in Men’s
restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA.
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke
is in your hands.
— Men’s restroom, Lynagh’s,
Lexington, Kentucky./...next
joke
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