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The
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1
October 2005
Your
Profit is
“Virtually” Guaranteed
How
understanding investment marketing
could save you a bundle of money
Ever
read a pitch for some investment product with phrases like “your
profit is virtually guaranteed,” or “you’re
virtually certain to make money”?
“Virtually” is a great word. In fact, it’s my
favorite investment marketing word.
Why?
Compare “virtually guaranteed” to, say, “almost
guaranteed.” How interested would you be in an investment
that’s almost certain to make you money?
Doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?
“Virtually”
and “almost” have totally different “feels”
about them, don’t they. “Virtually guaranteed”
has the sense of 99.99999 percent certainty. But if something’s
only “almost guaranteed” it’s more like 50-50…if
you’re lucky.
Yet if you look up “virtually” in a dictionary, what
does it mean? Almost!
The English language is rich with synonyms like these, all meaning
“virtually” the same thing – but having a very
different feel about them.
One of the reasons advertising copywriters can much so much money
is that they know how to use these synonyms to maximize the emotional
impact of their ads. By the time you come to the end of a marketing
pitch, if the build-up’s been good the words “…and
it’s virtually guaranteed to make money” slip into
your mind as “…and you’re guaranteed
to make money.”
Yet has the copywriter told a lie? Of course not! He can simply
pick up his dictionary and point out that “virtually”
means “almost” or “not quite”…and
everybody knows that something that’s only almost
guaranteed has no guarantee at all.
[Notice how I slipped in the word “only” there? Bet
it didn’t fully register. But adding that one word makes
the sense of “almost” even more uncertain
than it already is. And putting “almost” in italics
“virtually guarantees” that your eye will seem to
skip over the word “only” entirely. But the implication
still sticks.]
Even “tell the truth” laws regulating advertisements
don’t protect you.
Good marketing tells you the truth, and nothing but the truth.
But
it never tells you the whole truth.
And
if it’s really good marketing the emotional impact
of the whole can be a wild exaggeration – or even a lie
– even though every single statement in the ad, taken by
itself, is 100% (not virtually!) true.
So next time you read an ad ask yourself: “Well, that’s
all very well and good – but what aren’t
they telling me?”
Answering that one question could save you a bundle of money.
— Mark Tier
Have
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